A Personal Story

Submitted Sept 7, 1998

(NAME) sunflower
(rate) empowering
(success) yes

As my awareness of my place on the Wheel has grown I have begun seeking out alternative ways to take care of my body for which I will be responsible. I also want to remember the old wisdom of my grandparents and great grandparents, to re-learn the woman's mysteries that I may pass them on to younger girls one day.

One day as I lay in my bed napping and thinking on the moon I saw a flash of Her crescent curling towards fullness, and I realized I hadn't bled yet. Having been pregnant once before at 14 and having a standard abortion, I am usually very on-the-ball about it, not wanting to repeat the experience, but somehow it had just slipped my brain and here I am lying down and rubbing my belly and trying to take a nap when all this worry starts to bubble up furiously. So I got up and came to my handy virtual library (the puter) and began to search. Because I am a student of herbalism, I had a little bit of working knowledge of which plants are abortifacient, emmenagogues, etc. but I wanted to get some in depth professional opinions from some locals, and see what ideas I might have missed before I began the process of abortion.

The sites I found were tremendously helpful in that they presented it in a realistic light with a wide variety of procedures and the dangers of each were clearly highlighted. So armed with the knowledge I gained, I went to my herb cupboard and began to brew. I had some Queen Anne's Lace on hand as a morning after preventive, but not the amount they suggested in the articles I'd read, but I mixed about a tsp. of that with about 2 tsp. of pennyroyal herb and steeped it for about 20-30 min and sipped that throughout the evening. I also began using cedar oil: rubbing it on my belly with the intention to draw the womb down and out. I repeated this every couple of hours and continued to drink that brew. And I spoke to it, I know that I would have been unable to properly support and care for a child at this time, and I tried to convey that to the spirit that dwelt within me. The next day I mixed another brew of pennyroyal, sage, and another tsp of queen anne.

I also went down to the women's temple and did some ritual and spoke again to the Lady and to the Child. I prayed for release and gave myself the mental tools to manifest it.

Through out the day I massaged cedar oil into my belly visualizing the flow beginning. The next day I had one pint of water with five drops of cedar oil and eight drops of rosemary oil well shaken and I drank 1-three sips of that followed by a larger drink of water throughout the day and the next. I bathed in water with the undrunk portion of the cedar-rosemary potion with parsley also strewn loose into the bath water. The water was very hot and as I soaked I visualized again, the release. During this time I could feel the small cramps beginning. I tried to be very aware of what my body was saying to me, and it was saying, yes, this is working, go careful and slow... so as I bathed I let the energies of the plants wash over and into me to pull away that which I did not desire to have. I had parsley tea which I would sip from throughout the day and I continued to work with the cedar oil, through aroma therapy and massage. I also continued to communicate with the spirit of the 'child' asking for release, as the time was not right.

{Note: I was very concerned after reading about Sunflower's use of essential oils. I consulted with her, I wanted to know where she got her information from. She informed me that she is a student of aromatherapy, which uses essential oils exclusively. Unless you know what you are doing don't use them, many of them are dangerous, and some of them are deadly. They are highly concentrated and pose a very real risk to your health, ending pregnancy is not worth damaging your vital organs, or causing your own death. Since talking with her I have looked into essential oils in more detail, and still feel that they are too dangerous for internal use by those of us who are not properly trained to use them correctly, but they may be of some benefit externally. At some point I will update the site with my findings.}

After two days of parsley tea I felt the cramps abate and was fearful that it would not work after all. Its at this point that I told my partner I was suspecting pregnancy, and he was very supportive, which took a great load off my back. The first time I was pregnant the fellow decided not to talk to me or acknowledge my existence at all, which hurt. The next morning I began to feel that my womb was empty, that there was no longer life there. I had gathered more queen anne in the meantime and I made a strong brew of that and sipped it for the next two days. On the morning of the second day, I saw blood. I drank a little more of the queen anne's brew to make sure it would be complete and then stopped altogether. I danced that night, furiously, and that added to the pain factor quite a bit (internal, uterine cramps along with belly cramps from overworked muscles), but it felt good to be alive in my body, and probably facilitated the flow. There was a little more intensity to the cramping than usual, but definitely bearable. Hot baths have been very helpful.

About two days after I started the process, I began to feel twinges of "activity" movement too small to be cramping, but I knew something was happening. Over the next few days it increased very gradually and subtle pains and a slow shift in the lower part of my body happened. I felt like my womb was high and full and as the days passed I felt it drop and loosen and eventually release.

I also gave myself a necessary nourishing treat and had a "Femme Vitale" drink by Odwalla. It has apple juice, apricot puree (apricots are a strength builder) orange juice, purified water, cranberry juice, raspberry puree, honey, calcium, magnesium, iron, vitamin C, B-6, B-2, B-1, B-12, Folic acid, Dong quai, nettles, passion flower, raspberry leaf, lemon bioflavonoids and rose hips. (FYI they didn't pay me to plug their drink either!) as I drank it I could feel my body soaking it up eagerly. The raspberry leaf I remember being referred to as good for late pregnancy, and just after delivery, so it seemed rather appropriate as a strengthener.

There was one peculiar thing that I noted but am unsure of how to interpret: along with the normal clotting that I see every period, there was clotting that was thicker, and more (I hate to use this word but..) congealed. it seemed much more fibrous and thicker than my normal bleeding. Instinct tells me it was the uterine wall that had thickened to carry the baby but I'd like some commentary if anyone has any.

{Note: This is a sign that you did indeed conceive, The fibrous tissue you noticed was most likely the chronic villi.}

*One thing I do not think is stressed enough on the herbal abortion pages that I have seen in the need for adequate nutrition before, during and after, especially after. This is hard work for the body and if you do not replenish it, the groundwork for fatigue, and later illness is laid.

Well, thank you for hearing my tale. I am glad that there are sites like this available. I caution everyone to double and triple check their info before they apply it to anyone, and to make sure you are respecting yourself and taking care of yourself properly at all times.

Blessed be*

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